Nothingness

Well, for a while now I have noticed I have no one... I mean I do have my wonderful husband and beautiful children, but I have no one to vent to. I thought I had a friend- A very good friend...Something happened- We used to talk every day see each other all the time... The sad part is shes my sister in law...I used to be able to tell her anything... any problem or concern or just to let these feelings out... The we moved into her parents house... Something happenend... We weren't as close she stopped talking to me... The we moved out to my new Apt... She helped us move she would call I would call her I thought everything was going good... The it all crashed down around me... Im going through something right now and I have no one to t all to- do you know how frustrating this is, to make matters worse I have no way to get around, so I cant just turn the music up and go for a ride... My kids are all I have day in and day out that is SOOOO frustrating on its own...Now on top of that my husband got a new job for Invisible fence- he loves it...BUT hes gone from 7 am to 7:30-8:00 pm... Monday thru Saturday... Im not complaining becuz I like that he loves his job and the money is good... But again this leaves me with no one... Its so hard for me to pretend to be happy...to pretend to be this person that I just am not anymore...I wish I could just be happy and not let anything bother me but I have no outlet anymore...I quit smoking I dont drink I dont do drugs,....I guess my only addiction is food which makes me more depressed cuz then Im eating all the time I just get fatter and fatter and I think to my self that one day my husabnd will come home and not feel the same about his FAT wife...I want to exercise but then I think what that hell why am I doing this...For me? Do I even care? No...not really...I mean for real I could be happy alone sitting in a dark room with my PC no one around....and thats cool...But its really not okay because thats not me anymore...I USED to be THAT girl...I worked so hard to come out of my shell...Now I feel like I have taken 60000 steps backward! Im screaming into this website blog for someone to save me And no one even reads this... I so dont know what to do anymore...I just want to be happy...Maybe I need a shrink HA HA that I cant afford... I realized something while my mom was up - I MISS HER....I need MY family....MY friends I have none MY whole fam is in different states and the ones that are here in NY I dont want to burden with these thoughts... So I sit here stewing in my own thoughts... Taking all my anger and frustrations out on my self and my poor kids God for bid they say 1 wrong thing or do 1 wrong this,.....there only kids why do I hold them such a high standard??? I FLIP out over the little things THERE ONLY FUCKING KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg... I dont know how to handle this anymore.... I dont want to handle this anymore I need help,.....Anyone God please help me... I just need s a friend... LOL....Im 25 and just want 1 friend...