Nothingness

Well, for a while now I have noticed I have no one... I mean I do have my wonderful husband and beautiful children, but I have no one to vent to. I thought I had a friend- A very good friend...Something happened- We used to talk every day see each other all the time... The sad part is shes my sister in law...I used to be able to tell her anything... any problem or concern or just to let these feelings out... The we moved into her parents house... Something happenend... We weren't as close she stopped talking to me... The we moved out to my new Apt... She helped us move she would call I would call her I thought everything was going good... The it all crashed down around me... Im going through something right now and I have no one to t all to- do you know how frustrating this is, to make matters worse I have no way to get around, so I cant just turn the music up and go for a ride... My kids are all I have day in and day out that is SOOOO frustrating on its own...Now on top of that my husband got a new job for Invisible fence- he loves it...BUT hes gone from 7 am to 7:30-8:00 pm... Monday thru Saturday... Im not complaining becuz I like that he loves his job and the money is good... But again this leaves me with no one... Its so hard for me to pretend to be happy...to pretend to be this person that I just am not anymore...I wish I could just be happy and not let anything bother me but I have no outlet anymore...I quit smoking I dont drink I dont do drugs,....I guess my only addiction is food which makes me more depressed cuz then Im eating all the time I just get fatter and fatter and I think to my self that one day my husabnd will come home and not feel the same about his FAT wife...I want to exercise but then I think what that hell why am I doing this...For me? Do I even care? No...not really...I mean for real I could be happy alone sitting in a dark room with my PC no one around....and thats cool...But its really not okay because thats not me anymore...I USED to be THAT girl...I worked so hard to come out of my shell...Now I feel like I have taken 60000 steps backward! Im screaming into this website blog for someone to save me And no one even reads this... I so dont know what to do anymore...I just want to be happy...Maybe I need a shrink HA HA that I cant afford... I realized something while my mom was up - I MISS HER....I need MY family....MY friends I have none MY whole fam is in different states and the ones that are here in NY I dont want to burden with these thoughts... So I sit here stewing in my own thoughts... Taking all my anger and frustrations out on my self and my poor kids God for bid they say 1 wrong thing or do 1 wrong this,.....there only kids why do I hold them such a high standard??? I FLIP out over the little things THERE ONLY FUCKING KIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omg... I dont know how to handle this anymore.... I dont want to handle this anymore I need help,.....Anyone God please help me... I just need s a friend... LOL....Im 25 and just want 1 friend...

I cant do this anymore

I am so sick of myself. I hate being over weight. I hate my additude. I hate yelling at my kids and taking my frustrarions out on them. I hate being so angry all the time. I hate myself after I yell, I hate myself for putting ym kids through what I was put through. I hate calling them names. I HATE ME right now. Everything about me I hate it all! So things arent almways as clean as I would liken them to be... So my kids break things....these things should NOT infurate me like they do. The worst part I have no one to talk to about this. NO ONE. No one that will actually take the time to listen to me. NO one that wiil understand and WANT to listen. everyone has there own lives I know that- But I am there for everyone anytime they need anything- NO ONE is here for me right nowe......ION THIS MOMNET when I need anyo0ne someone the most,. I am here alone by myself ith my kids thats how it always is I am so over whelm ed! I havent had a break from my kids since July. I have my kids 24/7 all day everyday....I have no friends....I dont go out I have nothing....No one to wathc my kids...I have NOTHING.... I mean I have my husband...but thats means I would have to go out alone RIGHT thats fun...My sisiten in law gets her kids babysat all the time... my mom doesnt livew in this state- You would think my MIL would offer to watch them...NOPE.....I have had my kids everyday and night since July....I just need a fuckikng break....Just one fucking break. I quit smoking and I am losing weight....But I have no OUT no where to relieve this stress....I NEED HELP.....Anyone? Someone? HELP ME.....I cant do this ALONE!!! GOD- PLease help me..... I CANT DO THIS ANYMMORE!!!

Oh dear....

My sister in law sent me this video link for Youtube last night- So I watched it because we have the same values I knew it would be a good one. BOY what an understatement that was. Not only did I watch that video I watched every video on the subject at hand! I'm going to post the video link here- I would like everyone to watch them and if you AGREE with them ( If you beilve in God you will) Please forward them to every one you know-We have to get the word out there. Thanks!

Links: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zf3Gh8dVoBo

Please please please pass these on!

Oh yea- THE END IS NEAR!

O.O

Crap

I'm So over it! The end.

My personal views

-WARNING- This is going to piss people off -End Warning-
Let me start by saying, I voted for McCain. Now I voted for McCain because I believe that he was the lesser of two evils. I have the same views on things that he does. I do not believe in abortion, I do not believe in Gay marriage. I am a Christian. Killing babies as a form of birth control is wrong. Killing babies because your 15 and had sex is wrong. Killing babies just because you do want one is WRONG. There are a few circumstances where abortion should be considered, 1 being if the mother or babies health is as risk, 2 being if the mother was raped. Gay marriage is the other huge issue that me and mister OBAMA don't agree on. A marriage should be between a man and a woman. NO WHERE in the Bible does it state that marriage is okay for a man and a man. I live my life through the Bible. Get over it if you dont like it. I take my marriage and my faith very seriously. Thoes are two things no one should fuck with. NOW, that being said: God has everything in control! I dont even care if you dont beileve in God. There is NO way you can tell me he's not in control of our lives. If you have had a chilld- you know hes in control, how else could something so complex come from one man and one woman? SO, Obama is going to be our leader, the leader of our free county. There is a purpose for him getting elected. Only God knows why he won this election. He will serve his term no matter what you think or what you care. Being a part of our country, we must back our leader. We must stand beside him....With him....for him... Even if you dont like him, this is YOUR country he is YOUR leader.... He will make mistakes, it wont be the end of the world. And look at it this way: Anyone is better than Bush!

My life in the past 6 months.

Over the past few weeks I have changed so many things about myself. I dont know why or what prompted it but every change I have made has been for the better. I stopped smoking Ciggs on October 3rd (which just so happens to be my husbands birthday). I am doing the exersize and diet thing, and actually likeing it! I have a touch of OCD when it come to cleaning. That started right after I had Caleb. I love haveing a clean sparkly nice smelling house. So sue me. My relationship with my husband has never been better. We are getting along so great, its kinda strange- But I love it! My kids are doing awesome. Jr is in Preschool and he loves it. He comes home everyday with something new he learned. Caleb is a walking, talking ball of energy. That kid is so funny! He never stops. Jimmy's job could be better, but it's not too bad were staying a float. I got my temporary papers to do hair and I will be taking my written test on Dec. 8th probably. Woot me! After I pass my written then I have to take my practial and that scares thr shit outta me! But I know a few people from school that passed and if they could I know I will. So all in all life is great here now. I dont want to Jinx myself. Oh yeah and for the people reading this from myspace land- MY Account WAS NOT hacked...LOL...I really am happy and I really do have a shitload of Chirstmas cheer! LOL ... Stay tuned more to come!