I cant do this anymore

I am so sick of myself. I hate being over weight. I hate my additude. I hate yelling at my kids and taking my frustrarions out on them. I hate being so angry all the time. I hate myself after I yell, I hate myself for putting ym kids through what I was put through. I hate calling them names. I HATE ME right now. Everything about me I hate it all! So things arent almways as clean as I would liken them to be... So my kids break things....these things should NOT infurate me like they do. The worst part I have no one to talk to about this. NO ONE. No one that will actually take the time to listen to me. NO one that wiil understand and WANT to listen. everyone has there own lives I know that- But I am there for everyone anytime they need anything- NO ONE is here for me right nowe......ION THIS MOMNET when I need anyo0ne someone the most,. I am here alone by myself ith my kids thats how it always is I am so over whelm ed! I havent had a break from my kids since July. I have my kids 24/7 all day everyday....I have no friends....I dont go out I have nothing....No one to wathc my kids...I have NOTHING.... I mean I have my husband...but thats means I would have to go out alone RIGHT thats fun...My sisiten in law gets her kids babysat all the time... my mom doesnt livew in this state- You would think my MIL would offer to watch them...NOPE.....I have had my kids everyday and night since July....I just need a fuckikng break....Just one fucking break. I quit smoking and I am losing weight....But I have no OUT no where to relieve this stress....I NEED HELP.....Anyone? Someone? HELP ME.....I cant do this ALONE!!! GOD- PLease help me..... I CANT DO THIS ANYMMORE!!!